40 Things House is Not Allowed to Do
by sing me a rainbow
Summary: Wilson and Cuddy have had enough of House's behaviour. So what do they do? Make a list of things he can't do, of course! And who better to read it than our favourite Aussie?


**40 Things House is Not Allowed to Do**

"Do you really think this is gonna work?" James Wilson asked his friend and colleague, Dr. Lisa Cuddy. "House never listens."

"Of course not!" answered Cuddy. "But we just can't have him and his pizza suit in the Pediatrics ward. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" she bellowed.

"I guess you're right." sighed Wilson, slowly tacking on a rather sizeable list onto the PPTH message board. "But I hope we're not too late."

…

It would be hours before someone finally took notice of the list; that 'someone' being a certain blonde Aussie.

"Jimmy and Lisa wrote this list without me?" Bobby Chase blubbered, yet again questioning his importance in the world. "Everyone hates me!" But remembering the fact that he was pretty and foreign, he wiped away his tears and began to read.

**WHAT HOUSE IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO**

House is not allowed near medical marijuana, for whatever purpose.

Hoboes are not possible candidates for fellowships-

-and neither are chimpanzees.

House is not allowed to change Wilson's ringtone into the Barbie Girl song, no matter how much it may suit him.

House is not allowed to say "It's elementary, my dear Watson." Every chance he gets.

House is not allowed to stuff Cuddy's bag with condoms.

House is not allowed to stuff Cameron's bag with condoms.

House is not allowed to stuff Thirteen's bag with condoms.

Add Taub to that list.

Nudism is not encouraged within or anywhere NEAR Princeton-Plainsborough. And it never will be.

Taub is not a munchkin, an Oompa-Loompa, or Yoda in disguise.

House is not allowed to dress as a pizza and sing "I Am a Pizza" no matter how entertaining it may be to the children.

House is not allowed to stick his cane ANYWHERE underneath his clothing.

Kutner is not a terrorist on 24…

…nor does he work for Obama.

'That's what she said' is not an acceptable answer during a C-section, especially if the question is 'Stick it in there! She's coming fast!'

House is not allowed to tell children that his Vicodin are Tic Tacs…

…and he is even more not allowed to offer them any.

House is not allowed to use the MRI machine as a personal camera.

House is not allowed to accuse Foreman of being Ludicrous, or rap '_'When I was thirteen, I had my first love…'_

When asked 'Time of death', House is not allowed to break into an air-guitar version of Tik Tok.

Hickory Dickory Dock is not acceptable either.

Chase is not, and never will be, Steve Irwin, despite his accent and freakish love of crocodiles, etc. etc.

Wait… are we _sure _about that one?

Strip Poker, Seven Minutes in Heaven, and Spin the Bottle are not appropriate games during medical conferences.

House is not allowed to play Operation during differentials.

House is not allowed to decorate the morgue for Halloween.

House is not allowed to dance to Thriller in the morgue, no matter how fun it may or may not be.

House is not allowed to re-enact Dracula in the morgue.

In fact, House is not allowed anywhere near the morgue whatsoever.

Despite the fact that Foreman wears _way_ too much body glitter, House is not allowed to call him Edward Cullen.

And no, Thirteen is not Bella.

"Yo Mama" is not an acceptable answer to "What are the symptoms of Leprosy?"

House is not allowed to refer to the Bible as 'Da Book of Lies'.

House is not allowed to hum Mission Impossible during an autopsy.

Muumuus are not appropriate substitutes to lab coats…

…and neither are birthday suits.

House is not allowed to stuff Cuddy's bra with whipped cream and/or mayonnaise.

House is not allowed to hide secret cameras in the nurse's showers.

Pole dancing is not an appropriate medical practice, and neither is stripping.

Chase finished the list with a sigh. Boy, there were lots of things House couldn't' do, wasn't there?

_But on the bright side_, he thought, with a mischievous grin, _no one said _I _couldn't' do it…_

_Oh, he was going to be a busy man_.

**A/N: Yeah, I don't really know. _ Review if you're not dead. no flames please…**


End file.
